The Trigger day 25

I can only remember eating four meals from the prison so far, so it must be my third day of solitary confinement.  As I’m about to reach for the remaining Nutty Bars, I hear more footsteps coming towards my cell; so I quickly hide them behind my back.  The usual slide of the food and the exiting footsteps of a bored officer are the only thing that happen though.  So I leave my Nutty Bars to devour my meal and then go back to them to eat away the taste in my mouth.  When I feel into the box again, I see that there are only two packages left.  I mutter to myself, “fat ass” as I take one more package out and eat them with a grin on my face.

I lean back and hear the two remaining papers crinkle as I place my hand on them, so I quickly adjust my seating so that I don’t damage the paper any further.  I pick up one of the pieces of paper and I place it into the light before I write;

To my loving son,

It would be such a joy to see how much you’ve grown my son.  I just wish that I could have been there for your first steps and for the first time you broke something in the house to make your mother mad.  But that isn’t something that we could enjoy together, so I’m writing you this letter and one more to try and explain what it means to be a man in this family.  First things first, listen to your mother.

I know that she isn’t the type of male figure that you most likely want to emulate.  And she may even make you want to punch through the wall sometimes because she doesn’t let you go out with your friends or something of that nature.  But I need you to understand and think about why she probably didn’t let you go.  One reason could be that you were being a little prick.  I’m not going to sugar coat anything because that isn’t how the men in this family are.  We are honest and loyal to our word because our word is our bond.  Anything that decides to come from my mouth has a purpose; as should anything that comes from your mouth.  And this goes without saying, never hit a girl.  I don’t care what may have happened, never hit one.  No matter what.

But another reason that your mother may not let you go out is because she may not trust whoever you’re with enough to leave you alone with them.  I’m not worried about you being a good man, but she may not feel the same way about your friends.  I’m sure that she will let you have them stay over for a little while so that she can get more acquainted with them, but never lash out at your mother because it will only end badly.  If you think that men have the worst temper, make your mother angry and tell me if going to hell would have been an easier option.  Now don’t take this as I don’t love your mother, because I do love her more than anything in this world, it’s just that I’ve ticked her off before and I’m giving you fair warning.  It is funny and cute to see how her nose crinkles when she’s mad; but when the whites in her eyes are red, yes they actually turn red, you’re fucked.  So that’s a warning son.

Also, always respect women.  I don’t care if she’s a whore or if she’s the biggest bitch that spawned from Satan, she’s still a lady and all that you have to do to get rid of her is walk away.  Or if she keeps on calling you, block her calls.  People can act irrational a lot of times so be prepared for any type of unforeseen mood swings.  We are a very logical family, so that may make it hard for you to sympathize with a lot of people.  I’ll explain that for you further.

One of the main reasons that I fell for your mother was because of her mind.  If she did not think and act the way that she does, then those looks that she is also blessed with would not have made me want to stay with her.  She actually thinks about different situations that she has dealt with and she acts out the most logical, not emotional, reaction to present situations as well.  So when you really do become a man, you will find a woman like your mother.  Not in the sense that she will be exactly like your mother, just that she has the same moral guidance and understanding of the world that you do.

It may sound impossible, but it worked out perfectly for your mother and I.  So never ever give up on finding the right person and be sure to treat her like a lady, first.  Always try and see if she slips up and does things that a girl on the streets would do so that she solidifies if she is the right person for you.  The only people that get mad about being tested in a relationship is the dishonest person that is trying to act in a certain way to get your attention.  You don’t want an actress, you want a real woman.  Now some real women are probably actresses as a profession, but I mean that you don’t want someone who is acting out who they are rather than being who they are.

Another thing that I want to point out is that you are a naturally strong man.  It’s been that way for all of the men in our family and you came from me.  So with this strength I will say that you need to be careful when you are playing with your friends.  A little more careful than the average person.  I’ve accidentally broken my friend’s ribs when we were sparring, I’ve given people concussions when I played football as well as broken legs and arms, and I’ve thrown many friends to the ground in a fit of rage to get at someone who angered me.  So be sure to always take a couple of seconds to think, if that option is given because other times you will need to fight, and breathe slowly to calm your nerves.  But if you do have to fight, kick the living shit out of them.  Do not show mercy until they can’t fight anymore or they are helpless.  Yes I told you to do that.  There’s nothing wrong with choosing not to fight, but if they force you to fight, make sure they remember never to test you again.  Be a man.  Know when to fight and when to relax.

I really wish that I could be sitting with you and explaining this over years rather than on these two pieces of paper I have.  But for now, think on that stuff son and I’ll write you one more time.  Know that I’m proud of everything that you do because everything in life gives a lesson.  Be sure to remember those lessons and improve your life daily by being a student of life.  I love you more than you know and I’ll always be watching over you.

Your Day, Jimmy

I put down the paper and say, “This fucking sucks.  But what can I do.”  I then curl up and remain as motionless as my desire to feel.


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