The Trigger day 24

Some more of those Nutty Bars is just what I need.  So I crawl over to the corner of the cell that I placed the chocolate and peanut butter wafers and take two more out of the package.  Savoring the flavor was such a joy yesterday that I don’t want to ruin that moment of happiness.  Also, it doesn’t look like self control woke up with me this morning since I devoured the two servings so fast that I thought I dropped a bar.  Shortly after enjoying the flavor of food again, I hear footsteps approaching my cell until I see what they pass as food slide into my room.  I hear, “Bon appetite soldier boy” before his footsteps leave the hallway.

After enjoying those wafers, I cringe from the smell of prison food.  So I hold my breath and devour what they gave me without dealing with the taste until it’s all gone.  The plate is instantly pushed out of my cell; I don’t want to remember the food in here.  And since I don’t have anything else to do, I pick my pen out of my pants and I grab another sheet of paper to write to my daughter.  I write;

To my loving daughter, letter #2

I hope life has been treating you well my dear.  I just wanted to write you one more letter since I won’t have the opportunity to share in a lot of conversations with you; or any at that fact.  I just want to emphasize one thing while talking about some other stuff you might deal with in life.  But the main point of this letter is to say, always always always practice safe sex unless the person is worth it.  What do I mean by safe sex?  Use protection; condoms, birth control etc, and also be sure to get tested when you go to the doctor.  It doesn’t matter how nice a person may seem or how clean they may appear because sometimes there is something in their body that you would never want inside of yours.  Always make sure that the person you decide to risk pregnancy with by not wearing protection is being as faithful as you are to him.  If you happen to be a lesbian, still practice safe sex.  I don’t care what your sexuality is, but based on our lineage, I’m pretty sure that you will be a straight female.

Also, when you do have sex, you’re going to have emotions that will make you think that you are attached to this individual.  I don’t know everything about the anatomy of a woman and what happens during sex, so your mother should, or might, explain everything to you.  I will just do my part in saying that you should refrain from succumbing to those feelings until that person you allowed inside of you shows in the other areas of their life that you two are meant for each other.  Honestly I don’t think there is anything wrong with a little experimentation.  Your mother and I didn’t lose our virginity to one another, but after we did realize how much we loved each other, we wish that we would’ve waited.  That is just my advice from how I’ve lived.

And based off of what your mother told me, you will be very emotionally vulnerable from the ages of 14 through 22.  You will be becoming a lady at this time and a lot of boys, that I’m sure you’ll meet from school, will be becoming horn dogs.  I won’t say men because just because someone can make a baby, doesn’t mean they are man enough to raise a baby.  So I will tell you that you have the gift of seduction on your side.  Yes, seduction.  It’s how your mother made me notice her and it’s how a lot of couples actually come to be.  Here’s what I mean.  You can and will move in ways that will trigger a sexual desire or some type of a need for action inside of men and some women.  Your mother grabbed my attention by knowing how to touch me in conversation, flicking her hair the way she does, moving her body in certain ways when picking up items and also with how she walks.  She knew when she saw me that she wanted to get to know me.  I was a wreck and was in the military but I was on vacation for a couple months.  She approached me when I was working out in the gym by my parents, your grandparent’s, house.  How she walked up to me was with complete confidence as if she didn’t need anyone and was just wanting to use the dumbbells next to me.  She bent over to pick them up, I noticed, and she stood right back up as if she had an itch on her side.  She lifted her shirt to show me some skin but then put it back down before I could enjoy what I was watching.  Then she acted like she didn’t notice me looking at her so she smiled at me and we started to talk with each other.  The rest of the story is she wouldn’t sleep with me the whole time we were together before I had to leave to fight again; I was a Marine sweetie.  And when I was leaving, I told her that I’m going to marry her when I get back, and we did.  It was the best decision I’ve made in my whole life.

So the reason I say that my dear is because you will move in a way that attracts a certain type of man.  You need to be careful with how you move because certain people will act like the person you really want for a couple months, or even a year sometimes, just to get into your pants.  Your mother will show you how to move because her mother showed her how to move for certain men.  So don’t dress like a girl whose legs never close if you want a good man.  Don’t dress like a proper lady if you want a rugged man.  Understand what you want in a man and act accordingly to get what you want.  Just be sure to weigh all of the pros and the cons with certain types of people.  I did and your mother does it daily it seems.

Be sure to listen to your mother with everything she suggests to you.  No matter what quarrels you will have with her during your teenage years, always remember that she is your mother and she will do whatever it takes to take care of you and to love you.  And do not, I repeat, do not take advantage of your mother’s emotions because it will only backfire on you.  You will never hear about certain aunts and uncles in your family because they took advantage of your mother’s emotions when she was younger and still wanted to treat her poorly when she grew up.  I’m not one to get into that, but if you really want to know, then ask her about it.  I mainly say that because I just want you to have a very solid relationship with your mother.  I really want you to see how much you two are alike rather than trying to find something you two differ in.  We made you out of love, so know that we will always love you.  I wish that I could say more to you, but just know that I’ve dreamed of you many times and I have thought about you more than you know.  Stay the princess that you are until a king makes you a queen.  I love you sweetie, and I send you many kisses from where I am.

Your Dad, Jimmy

I put the pen away and then drop my head.  I say, “God, I know that we don’t talk too much because I don’t want to bother you.  I mean, you must get a lot of requests all the time.  But if you can hear my faint voice and listen to this simple prayer I send out… please, watch out for my family.  I would love it if you would let me be with them, but I understand that sometimes that isn’t how it’s written for an individual like me.  So please, please, heed my prayer and watch out for my family.  Let no harm come to them because of the blood I’ve shed.  Only make me pay for those sins, not them.  Amen.”


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